Tomorrow I'm having the long awaited thyroidectomy. I can't say I'm completely at ease with the idea of it, but I keep trying to remind myself why this is a good thing. Every time I look at Anna, it just cements why I need this done. So I can move on with my life, be normal, and above all, will probably be a better mum because of it.
I have to say that I am so lucky to have a little girl like Anna. She's such a happy, bubbly, well adjusted kid who's made this hell I was living in just that bit easier.
I know that my life as it is today is not 'normal'. Though it's been so long that I can't even remember what normal feels like. I'm excited about this unknown. Tomorrow I could wake up being someone entirely new; or I could wake up feeling roughly the same but with a big scar across my throat. I don't know. It's hard to fathom that life could be any different - perhaps I've just gotten used to the way I feel everyday? Or that I justify the disease with the demands of every day life, particularly that of a new mother.
To be honest, I'm shit scared. But if it means that I'll be better equipped to take care of Anna, to have the energy I was always lacking (and more than just sleep debt energy-lack), to feel less anxious about everything, and just slow down, stop and take in the sunshine that radiates from her smile, then it'll be all worth while. I'm sure of that at least.
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