Becoming someone new (or old)

Tomorrow I'm having the long awaited thyroidectomy. I can't say I'm completely at ease with the idea of it, but I keep trying to remind myself why this is a good thing. Every time I look at Anna, it just cements why I need this done. So I can move on with my life, be normal, and above all, will probably be a better mum because of it.

I have to say that I am so lucky to have a little girl like Anna. She's such a happy, bubbly, well adjusted kid who's made this hell I was living in just that bit easier.

I know that my life as it is today is not 'normal'. Though it's been so long that I can't even remember what normal feels like. I'm excited about this unknown. Tomorrow I could wake up being someone entirely new; or I could wake up feeling roughly the same but with a big scar across my throat. I don't know. It's hard to fathom that life could be any different - perhaps I've just gotten used to the way I feel everyday? Or that I justify the disease with the demands of every day life, particularly that of a new mother.

To be honest, I'm shit scared. But if it means that I'll be better equipped to take care of Anna, to have the energy I was always lacking (and more than just sleep debt energy-lack), to feel less anxious about everything, and just slow down, stop and take in the sunshine that radiates from her smile, then it'll be all worth while. I'm sure of that at least.

Her mother's daughter.

Spot the difference.

Anna at 11 months. Me at 15/16 months.

I've clearly got much lighter hair and I'm a bit older in this photo - but it's pretty obvious she's my little girl.

Thanks Nanna Lou for digging this photo out :)

Curly Mop

As Anna is getting older, her hair is getting curlier! And especially when it's humid, her whole head goes into a ball of ringlets!

It's delightful to see who she's becoming. Who'd knew that she'd be a little, curly haired, hazel eyed cherub. So full of confidence and determination. She wants to do everything on her own - she can do anything! This independent little girl will out-wit, out-play and out-last me every time, or anyone that stands in her way. Wish me luck.

Helping Pa.

Anna loves helping. Helping me find my mascara at the bottom of my make up bag. Helping me read the news paper. Helping me talk on the phone by trying to hold it for me.

Anna loves helping Pa too. She preemptively created the special knock for his new work shop.

Good team work Pa and Anna!

Bold and Bright

Just like her.

She's a big girl now, but she still needs her hugs.

She's growing up so quick. Some photos I can still see the little baby in her, others I have to look twice to make sure it's actually my baby girl. growing up to be such a beautiful little toddler.

I love how she curls up, nestled within a warm embrace.

Happy Girl

These are old photos, taken just before her 1st birthday.

I love that she smiles so much.

Like Sunshine

Day Care - The Better One

I was going through the photos on dad's computer, and there are so many I hadn't seen. These are the photos of when dad came to pick up Anna from her child care centre in Berwick.

Such a good child care centre.

The Ride

Anna's new favorite thing.

Made me laugh

I'm just putting this one photo up tonight because it made me laugh so much I was crying!

This is my little evil angel!

I'm determined to put up a bevy of blogs this weekend, to make up for my neglect of the past few months.