It's been tough.

I'm only going to put up a quick one today, just because it's now the end of August and I haven't put up a post since the end of July.

To recap, this has been a very busy month. The business is really starting to take off, and Anna is more needy than ever. I don't know how I'm going to cope juggling such demanding responsibilities. I'm so tired all the time, I have zero energy and my patience is short. And Anna is now so mobile, crawling, standing and going through that contradicting stage of 'pick me up, put me down'. And I'm going insane.

She wants to chew on everything that shouldn't be chewed on. She wants to pull on every cord, play with every non-toy thing, and wants to go everywhere she physically can't. She stands up all the time, then can't sit herself back down, she refuses the bottle but then realises she's hungry just as I've put the bottle in the fridge and changed her nappy thinking that's why she's crying. She cries ALL DAY LONG. I feel like that's all she does.

Every night she puts up a fight, at least two hours of screaming. I usually get her to sleep by about 11:30. Adam is working nights now, so he sleeps during the day. For all intensive purposes, I am a single mother. Adam helps out where he can, but it's only since Adam started working nights that I realise how much help he had been giving me that I was taking for granted.

I've resorted to giving her Phenergan. She's not meant to and I agonised over it, but I'm desperate. I'm not sure if it worked, she was certainly more drowsy than usual, we only gave her 1ml. But since giving it to her she's been rise and shining at 6am for the past two days. It could just be coincidence, it could be from the Phenergan. All I know is, I need a break.

I don't want this blog to sound like a big complaint, even though it kind of is. This blog is just as much my blog as it is hers. I want to document this time, so in a few months time, I'm told when things start to get easier and more enjoyable, then I have a point of comparison. I find I'm often so desperate for relief that I don't actually acknowledge that this tough time might actually be easier than a time I've already gone through. Come to think of it, this is the hardest time I've had. The first 8 weeks, which I was always told are the hardest, were a breeze compared to this. But at least it's not as hard a child birth.

I also want to write this blog up to point out a few things to my daughter. I'm hoping this will be something she will read when she is older, possibly when she's going through the same thing that I am today when she has a baby herself. Anna is the most headstrong, determined, tenacious, stubborn, strong willed baby in the history of babies. I don't care what anyone else thinks, no other baby surpasses her in tenacity. I am aware that all babies push boundaries, test you and will try to get away with murder, but Anna is something else. She is ultimately the daughter of Adam and I, I should have seen this coming. She's got my confidence, tenacity and determination, and she's got Adam's impulsiveness, passion, stubbornness and short-temperedness. She's one intense kid.

And I know that some people think that I add fuel to the fire, some people think I let her get away with too much, that she breaks me too easily. But she's no-one elses daughter. And she wants me more than anything, so she's going to work even harder to get it. But lets be honest, she does have me wrapped around her baby finger, I think it's fair to say she really has everyone wrapped. She gets what she wants, and she always will. She will break me every time. She is going to change the world one day.

So, ma petite cherie, when you become a mother yourself, I will be quick to remind you of when you were a baby, as did my mother to me, and her mother to her, but I will always be there for you, as my mother has been for me. Being a parent, no, being a mother is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. I can't speak for Adam, or all other dad's out there, but I know for sure that Motherhood is a tough gig, and I'll always be there to give you a big cuddle, like I am right now.